CALL ME CRAZY: 4 SIGNS WE WILL!

1. The Missed Calls: You wake up in the morning and your phone has been bombarded with an onslaught of text messages and missed calls! Your phones been gettin' more action than John Mayer! Just because your body's a Wonderland doesn't mean you can act all cray! At first glance, the context of the messages and voicemails seem like they're from two different people (let's call them Jeckueline and Hydi) but you soon realize they're from the same person...yikes! First one says "Hey babe"...next one..."Where are you?"..."Fuck you then!"..."Don't ever fucking call me again!"..."I'm sorry baby, I fucking love you!"..."You're with someone aren't you?!"..."I knew it! Typical guy!"..."Just say something babe"..."I fucking miss you!". Like WHAT THE FUCK?! ("If I say "Fuck" two more times, that's two more "Fucks" in this fucked up rhyme) RELAX Limp Bizkit!!! It's 4 in the morning...I'm sleeping! JEEEZ! If you become Jeckueline and Hydi when the sun goes down...put away your phone! Hide it well so that your clearly unstable alter ego doesn't find it and then just retrieve it in the morning! Like they say "Nothing good ever happens after 3am"!!!
   
2. She Fooooound You: You're out with your buddies just havin a time! Excited to see all the fellas so you're throwin up Instagrams and checking in on Facebook with witty little status updates when all of a sudden you turn your head and POOF...out of nowhere she appears slowly from the fog like a Hawaiin lei'd Tara Reid in an all white bikini top and skirt...naaah not like that at all...but if it is...good for you! See ya later fellas! But in most cases this moment is more reminiscent of you waking up in the middle of the night to find Swimfan standing, swaying idly at the foot of your bed watching you sleep! We know it's not a coincidence...you subscribe to our Facebook status updates! A check in doesn't warrant a check up! Space is healthy in a relationship...we promise not to show up unannounced when you're having a Channing Tatum marathon on Netflix or in the middle of your Spa Lady celebrity body class! Although that last one might be a good watch! Creepy not creepy! 
   
3. The Too Soon Relationship Request: If you're getting these Facebook requests after only hangin out a few times you may want to re-evaluate things! Why is this person in such a rush to lock you down?! Why are they trying to mark their territory by peeing all over my Facebook wall?! I'm not a fire hydrant babe! Regardless if I have the ability to make you really really...not dry! They also have the unique ability to "like" your posts and pics faster than a contestant on Jeopardy could ring in...even that Mormon dude who won 74 in a row!!! I'll take Crazy for a thousand Alex! Da da da da da da da da da da da DA dadadada da da da da da da da DA da da da DUH DUH DUUHH...who is [insert name here]! Ding, Ding...that is correct! Decline these relationship requests immediately! PS...Also watch your news feed for any crazy talk on her wall! Anything that resembles dialog from an episode of Days of Our Lives, sympathy fishing, or simply hangin out that dirty laundry for all her Facebook neighbors to see could mean that one day...like sand through an hourglass...you could be the object of her dissatisfaction!
   
4. The Ex-Factor: You've met her ex...and you have this unsettling feeling that he seems uncomfortably happy for the both of you! It's almost as if he's signed you up for a pyramid scheme and he's about to get paid! That sign of relief you sense in him...is him secretly knowing that that "crazy bitch" is now your problem! He's on his way to his local quick stop to buy a lottery ticket and some scratch and wins cuz this is his lucky day! Gonna grab some Baby Duck to celebrate too! As he walks away you notice him do a little hop step followed by a heel click like he's Charlie fucking Chaplin...it's the end of the movie bro...and you get to star in the terrible sequel! Good luck with that!

Here's a few other red flags to be on the lookout for!

She cuts herself for Bieber: Really?! People do that?! Why?! Just seems silly to me...he'll just abandon you like his pet monkey! 

She talks to herself or hears voices: The Exorcist is cool...when you watch it with the lights on and you're not in it!!!

She has plastic covered furniture: Congrats you're dating Dexter's daughter...now RUN!

If you have any other crazy red flags you want to add...leave em in the comments below!!! And if you like this, "like" it, if you love it, "share" it! BOOM! AND IF YOU'RE NOT CRAZY "LIKE" IT! Doesn't mean you aren't but at least it will make you feel better!