8 Types of Drunk

1. The Diva: Contrary to what all you may think, this type of drunk is not just limited to the fairer sex! After a few drinks this person starts believing they're entitled to the red carpet treatment! It's like that last shot of Sourpuss went straight to their head and BOOM all of a sudden they just signed with Def Jam! They're so excited cuz they realize they finally won't have to pay for their own modelling photoshoots cuz Rolling Stone will pay for that shit now! Now they're struttin around the bar like they own the place, sneakin into random bottle service areas, photobombin' other peoples instagram moments! Complainin' that they don't eat anything but blue M&M's..."Eww...I don't do yellow or green! (c'mon...they have feelings too!)", "Tap water?! Puhleease...where's my Smart Water bitches?! Pfft!". You're not Madonna and this is not your green room! Tomorrow you're still gonna have to pay for that hot photo shoot on the hood of that muscle car that's not yours!
   
2. The Ultimate Warrior: This person usually likes his whiskey...he's at the bar crushin shots of Jack...gettin jacked! Next thing you know his shirts off and he's shakin his head like a sneezing Seabiscuit! He's got his hands on the bar top and his arms start vibrating! He starts hearing voices and his theme music playing in his head! He just wants to sprint around the bar body slamming people! RELAX BRO!!! RELAX! You probably wear arm bands under your sleeves just to get those veins nurses love! Nobody wants to go out and get spider monkied by the likes of you! Have a light beer...and just breathe! Cuz there's always someone bigger and stronger...whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on yooooooooou brotha!
   
3. The Light Switch: This particular effect is quite common in the silent ones...those people that just sit at the table taking it all in, not really involved in the conversation, just throwin out the occasional head nod and "Ya bud!". Then that 3rd double vodka Redbull comes...he's half way through it when you turn your head to get the waitresses attention cuz now you're parched and as soon as you look back...the drinks been crushed and your buddy's up on the table dancing terribly to "Play that Funky Music, Whiteboy!" No in between with these guys...it's either ON or OFF! They can be quite entertaining though.
   
4. The Cryer: It's safe to say that this is often female in nature...but there are some dudes out there that get quite emotional. Everyone knows that girl whose gushing tears at the end of the night, her mascara is running, and she's so visibly upset it looks like she just watched Bruce Willis say goodbye to his daughter for the last time and save the world from imminent danger by sacrificing his life in Armageddon...I mean...that wasn't sad at all...pffft! Ok...give me a minute here...K I'm good! If this is you or you're a good friend of a known "Cryer"...I would definitely recommend purchasing some waterproof mascara! And if she makes it through the night tear-free then she's all set for that late night hot tub party! BOOM!
   
5. The Love You Man: I'm guilty of this...what can I say!? (Rhetorical question) I feel like if people don't know then you should let them know! Cuz you never know when a time will come and you're no longer able to let them know! Ya know?! K...that's as deep as I'm gonna get here...I FUCKIN' LOVE YOU MAN! I LOVE YOU!
   
6. The Flirt (politically correct term): You don't need Moses to part the Red Sea if ya know what I mean...usually a few shots of Tequila will do the trick! This is usually the friend you bring to Vegas in hopes of having a time and then every night you end up going out you run out of milk cartons to put her face on! She's like the female version of Houdini...a master of escapes! Batgirl some might say...off helping Batman fight crime in Gotham City...wink, wink! Let's just hope "What happens in Vegas" stays there! Cuz some stuff can come back with ya! Just sayin'. BE SAFE! I LOVE YOU...MAN!
   
7. The Funny Man: This person can be a little socially awkward at first but after a few bevies it's like you're at the front row of his very own comedy show! This guy is on a roll...he catches fire...one liner, after one liner! It's like the guy just blacked out and instead of being really good at math...he became Will Ferrell! Like Jimmy Fallon just took the reigns of his sub conscious to a place we never knew existed!
   
8. The Creep: Every time this person goes out you'd think they were auditioning for the part of the unsub on the next episode of Criminal Minds. He breaks out his arsenal of moves...from hair smelling to uncomfortable touching and of course his go-to...the ass grab (cuz that always works). He gets nervous around pretty girls (don't we all) and touches his face more than that kid in Dazed and Confused...watch it...make a drinking game out of it...you'll be Dazed and Confused after! He struggles to form full sentences and ends up throwing together words that make less sense than Muhammad Ali. It's like Word Scramble with Friends...except he always ends up playing by himself! Eventually he'll just blurt out "You're Hot!" in hopes of redemption...the girl will politely say "Thank you" (cuz she's now concerned for her safety) and that she has to go to the ladies room. (she will walk briskly there). Leaving him with nothing but another strand of hair to add to his collection at home (on the wall of his secret room which you can enter through his closet).
   
   If you like this "like" it, if you love it "share" it! BOOM! Which one are you?! Do you know any other types?! Let me know in the comments below!!!