- One Nightstand: Her nightstand has more prescription bottles than the back
wall of a pharmacy. If it looks like you just spent the night in the love nest
of Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan…she might be a hot mess! But hey if you like
a variety it’s actually like dating 3 or 4 different girls at once. It’s quite amazing all the different moods and
personalities that originate out of those little transparent orange cylinders! It’s
like The Bachelor meets Intervention…that’s the reality you’d be living! PS…get
her a mood ring
…seriously!
- Check the Freezer: If you injure yourself in sports (cuz let’s be honest these
chicks love athletes!) and she fetches you an ice pack that looks like blue Hot
Lips with the name of her plastic surgeon on it…she might be a hot mess!
- Ryan Gosling: If she comes over after a “Girls Night Out” and keeps asking
you the same question every 5 minutes after you've already answered it…she
might be a hot mess! This isn't The Notebook
folks we shouldn't have to re-tell the story of how we met over and over…at least not yet anyways!
- Nip/Tuck: If she has fake jams and a bronze tan...she might be a hot mess! “I spray tan now…it's so much
better for you!” What about the lip injections and Botox? I’m sure that’s good
for ya too?! Don’t get me wrong...I like boobies…real or fake…big or small…with kittens…but
if you’re not careful you’ll end up lookin like a Miss Potato Head whose Mom is
also her sister and Dad is also her Uncle! SICK! (If it took you longer than a minute to figure out that equation...you might be a hot mess) Ladies, unless you’re auditioning for
The Hills Have Eyes 3 (There was a 2nd one?) you don’t want this!
- Out of Touch: If the majority of her reading is in the form of In Touch magazine
and US Weekly…she might be a hot mess! She knows the dimensions of Kim
Kardashian's booty and who George Clooney's dating but thinks President Obama
resides in or around Seattle! Her version of current events is who got eliminated from Dancing With The Stars last night! Pick up a newspaper and educate yourself...the White House is in Washington, DC...not Washington state...yes they are different...you're so pretty!
- You Fancy Huh?!: If she's got a real fancy bag
but never any money in it...she might be a hot mess! I get it these things are expensive…but really?! At least offer to buy the popcorn! PS…I know plastic is your best friend (pun intended) but you do actually have to pay Mr. Visa back…you can’t just charge it to da game! Save Daddy's allowance and invest in something that won’t depreciate the second you take it off the shelf! Independent women are hot! Just ask Jay-Z!
- One Of The Guys: If she’s got more guy friends than girlfriends…she might be
a hot mess! “I just never got along with girls…” Weird! “We’re just friends…”
Yeah I’m sure they don’t want to bang you at all…do they not have a penis? Cuz
that would make me feel a lot better…a lack of wiener would be comforting! Are
those red flags falling out of your Lululemon pant pockets? I think so! Wave the
white flag and move on!
- Some Assembly Required: If you wake up in the
morning and nothing short of a retina scan or finger prints could confirm that the person laying next to you is the same person you went to bed with…she might be a hot mess! Beside all the half empty prescription bottles and In Touch magazinges on her nightstand there are now fake lashes, fake nails,
hair extensions, and a prosthetic leg! Coyote ugly on out of there…RUN!
If you like this "like" it, if you love it "share" it! BOOM! What is your definition of a "Hot Mess"? Let me know in the comments below!!!
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