A Word From The 30 Year Old Bartender

Once upon a time when Mark Zuckerberg was in his dorm room stealing my idea (not really but if I had a hot tub time machine…you can be damn sure that you’d be reading this little rant on LeifBook!) I heard a song by a couple of PETA supporters named Big & Rich bout saving horses and riding cowboys. Being newly single I thought to myself “Hey, that sounds awesome…I wanna save horses!” so I picked up a bar blade, a black felt hat and went got myself a job at the local country saloon! I had to start from the bottom now I’m not…like Drake! I was a barkeeps assistant…also known as the bartender’s little…umm…helper! It wasn’t a bad gig…I got to stock the bar, chill in the liquor room (literally…it was cold) and help the pretty bartenders out with math! I was a computer scientist in training and they were…well…“pretty”! I would Rain Man drink prices for them! Just blackout and BOOM…$11.50…complex calculations like that!