CALL ME CRAZY: 4 SIGNS WE WILL!

1. The Missed Calls: You wake up in the morning and your phone has been bombarded with an onslaught of text messages and missed calls! Your phones been gettin' more action than John Mayer! Just because your body's a Wonderland doesn't mean you can act all cray! At first glance, the context of the messages and voicemails seem like they're from two different people (let's call them Jeckueline and Hydi) but you soon realize they're from the same person...yikes! First one says "Hey babe"...next one..."Where are you?"..."Fuck you then!"..."Don't ever fucking call me again!"..."I'm sorry baby, I fucking love you!"..."You're with someone aren't you?!"..."I knew it! Typical guy!"..."Just say something babe"..."I fucking miss you!". Like WHAT THE FUCK?! ("If I say "Fuck" two more times, that's two more "Fucks" in this fucked up rhyme) RELAX Limp Bizkit!!! It's 4 in the morning...I'm sleeping! JEEEZ! If you become Jeckueline and Hydi when the sun goes down...put away your phone! Hide it well so that your clearly unstable alter ego doesn't find it and then just retrieve it in the morning! Like they say "Nothing good ever happens after 3am"!!!

Is this real life?! Or just Facebook?!

Hmm...Facebook, why are you asking me if I know my pending friend requests outside of Facebook after I have responded to their request with a confirmation?! Why would I confirm them if I didn't?! Unless maybe they were really attractive randoms but still?! Do you get more points for the friends you know in real life...does it bump up your Facebook cred?! What is real life these days...peeps walkin around aimlessly with their faces buried in their smart phone tweeting slang, abbreviations, and hashtaggin nonsense?! It's fun...I get it...but does your vocabulary consist of anything not on Urban Dictionary?! What is "ur"? You're or your? Does it belong to you or are you it?! Can you even hand write your name anymore?!

Wherefore art thou Pokeo?!

It's been so long since I've received a "poke"...I'm not sure if I even remember how to do it anymore! It's been so long I think Facebook has even forgotten my sexual preference as all my "poke suggestions" are dudes! Facebook has now started to "poke" block me when I try to bring it back...saying