5 Reasons Why I Love Weddings

I just recently attended a wedding back home and had a blast with a bunch of old friends I haven't seen in awhile! It gave me the idea for my newest blog entry. I know marriage gets it fair share of knocks these days but when people actually take the time to get to know someone and build a strong bond before they pop the question it's a beautiful thing to see. These days people are so quick to tie the knot they tend to skip a few steps in the process and I think that's ultimately why a lot of marriages don't work. That and George Clooney is recently single giving women around the world more false hope than those random phone calls saying you've won a cruise. No Mom...it's definitely not a good idea to give them your credit card info and social insurance number! "But I read somewhere that Carnival was basically giving away cruises these days. And they were so convincing...I could hear horns in the background and what sounded like waves, lots of people too! I thought it was a little suspicious when 'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion began to play though." Near, far, wheeeeeeereeeeeeeeeever you are...dammit why did Jack have to die...there was plenty of room on that raft for both of em! So selfish Rose! Damn you! I mean what?! That's another reason relationships don't work...cuz ships sink as Eminem would say! Anyways without further ado...here are 5 reasons why I love a good wedding!

1. Toonie Bar: Who doesn't love a cheap drink? Gettin' white girl wasted with your buddies, buyin rounds like you just signed a new contract with a professional sports team. I especially love it when those guys who never buy rounds at the bar become Bobby Big Wheels and start passin em out like popcorn balls on Halloween! Oh wait, that was just my house...Mom couldn't you just stick with the norm and buy a bag of Butterfingers? I couldn't even trade those on the candy market...I'd have to throw in a Crispy Crunch just to get them to take it off my hands and all I'd get is a little more space in my pillow case for real treats. Getting stuck with a popcorn ball is like having Luongo on your team's payroll! No trade clause bro!

NOTE: Pace yourself...shirts off shooters are only appropriate at the stag...not the wedding!

8 Types of Drunk

1. The Diva: Contrary to what all you may think, this type of drunk is not just limited to the fairer sex! After a few drinks this person starts believing they're entitled to the red carpet treatment! It's like that last shot of Sourpuss went straight to their head and BOOM all of a sudden they just signed with Def Jam! They're so excited cuz they realize they finally won't have to pay for their own modelling photoshoots cuz Rolling Stone will pay for that shit now! Now they're struttin around the bar like they own the place, sneakin into random bottle service areas, photobombin' other peoples instagram moments! Complainin' that they don't eat anything but blue M&M's..."Eww...I don't do yellow or green! (c'mon...they have feelings too!)", "Tap water?! Puhleease...where's my Smart Water bitches?! Pfft!". You're not Madonna and this is not your green room! Tomorrow you're still gonna have to pay for that hot photo shoot on the hood of that muscle car that's not yours!